The FBI

A small door hidden in the alleyway of an office building. A light over the door, which kept flickering even though it was daytime. And the sign, “Matthew Larsen, Private Eye” at the top.

It would seem that we got lost while following Brandon’s directions and ended up in the Land of Clichés.

The first room we came into was, compared to the detective movie entrance, a bit disappointing. Reminded me of a dentist waiting room, but without the smell or all the wall pictures telling you the terrible things that will happen to your teeth if you eat anything. Even had a table with year old magazines on it. An unmarked door leading further inside. The reception desk had an African woman, maybe my age, behind it; she was intently focused on her computer screen, sound blocked out by the headphones in her ears. 330 put her hand on the desk, causing the receptionist to jump with surprise, and said, “The password is swordfish!” Then as an aside to me, in an intentionally loud whisper, “The password is always swordfish.”

The receptionist’s mouth dropped, and she stared at 330 for a long time. Then she jumped out of her chair and ran to the back room, briefly pausing when she was yanked back by the headphones she’d forgotten to take out. After she vanished into the back room, 330 and I were left feeling very confused.

“Have you met her before?” I asked.

“Maybe…? I do have a tendency to meet people in weird chronological orders….”

As we waited for… something… to happen, I peeked a glance at the computer screen to see what the receptionist had been so focused on. Some kind of game: a guy in fancy red and black sci-fi armor being shot at by other people in fancy white sci-fi armor. Without anyone to play, the guy didn’t last long before a game over screen came up.

The receptionist returned a few minutes later, leading another man into the room. Grey hair, a stubble across his face, and a disheveled suit; all that was needed to complete the picture would have been a cigarette dangling from his mouth, but instead he was chewing on a toothpick. So… not entirely in Cliché Land, but still pretty close.

“Yeah?” He said.

“I’m I-330.”

“…. Did the doctor screw up when typing your birth certificate or did your parents hate you enough to call you that?”

The girl pulled him closer and whispered something in his ear. “Alright, so Lucy here tells me that apparently you’re some kind of big deal.” He said when she finished. “Some kind of supernatural fighting adventurer.” The girl, Lucy, whispered to him again. “Right, some kind of immortal supernatural fighting adventurer. Right. What do you want with us?”

“You’re with the FBI’s paranormal branch?”

He rolled the toothpick around his mouth. “One of ‘em, yeah. What’s it to you?”

“We’ve gotten… involved… in one of the paranormal CIA group’s actions, but the trail we had on them’s been cold for a long time now. You’re the closest we have to a lead.”

Took the toothpick out of his mouth. “Let me get this straight. You want me to give classified information about another government agency to some random woman who walked in here?”

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.”

“You’re one crazy broad.” Do real people actually use the word broad?

Lucy jumped into the conversation. “But Mr. Larsen, have you seen the file we have on her at headquarters? She’s like the highlander Indiana Jones of our field!”

“Well if I run into any Nazis I’ll be sure to let her know. But right now I have no plans of handing out state secrets to anyone who walks through our door.” Then to us, “Sorry I can’t help you, but you’ll need to find your leads somewhere else.” He returned to his back room.

Looked like a dead end for us. “That didn’t work,” I said. “Now what?”

330 held up a finger for me to wait, and nodded towards Lucy, who was staring at the door Larsen had exited through. She seemed to be thinking about something. When she came to a decision, she said to 330, “I get off at 6. Meet me out front.”

“Sounds fun, but…” 330 pulled me from my observer’s spot to her side, “I’m already taken. Thanks for the offer, though.” Oh god 330, do you take pleasure in causing me to blush this much….

Lucy’s jaw dropped. “N-no, that’s… that’s… n-n-not what I, what I meant by-”

“I know what you mean; I was just messing with you. We’ll see you then.”

330 went right out the door; I stayed to apologize for causing Lucy to lose at her game.

“My what?”

“On the computer.”

The events that had happened seem to have temporarily made her forget, but when I triggered the memory, she yelped and tried to make it to her computer chair in a single leap. Which caused her to knock over everything she’d had on that desk. I stayed even longer to help her clean up.

“Sorry for causing you to jump like that….”
“No, I was just being clumsy….”
“If we hadn’t interrupted you….”

Eventually 330 had to come in and put an end to my apologizing, lest I stay there forever.

The few hours we had to kill before meeting Lucy were mostly spend laughing about the encounter.
“Did he seriously call you a broad?”

“I know, right? I haven’t been called that in decades! And using a private eye business as a cover!”

“He even looked like he’d walked out of a black and white film!”

Then 330 had to drop the bombshell of, “Oh, and by the way, I got us reservations for dinner next week. Should make up for that drink you asked me to buy you.”

Wait, what, I hadn’t been serious when I said that, and even if I had I’d been thinking a bar, what kind of bars need reservations, 330 I have questions and oh no you’re about to suddenly change the subject just as I’m getting the first syllable out of my mouth aren’t you….

“Wha-”

“Hey, almost six. We need to go back and meet with Lucy.” Dammit 330!

It was a few minutes after six when we arrived, and Lucy was already waiting for us. Looked kinda nervous, glancing around the street, wringing her hands. Made me paranoid watching her, until I also started glancing around.

“Hey there!” 330 called out. “Now what is it you wanted to talk to us about?”

Lucy opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out. Tried again, only sound was a small squeak.

“Yes?” 330 said.

Lucy’s words came out in a rush. “IhadapicturerofyouonmywalluntilIwastwenty!”

“…. That’s new. I never knew I came in poster form.”

“No, that’s not… that’s not what I wanted to tell you, I mean, I… um….”

“I know, I know. Just relax. Though I am curious to know about this picture thing.”

“That? Oh. Um. Both my parents worked in paranormal government branches. I was raised on stories about raids on evil cults, uncovering Fear plots, and… um… stories about the mysterious adventurer, I-330….”

Wow. She’s only slightly less nervous talking to 330 than I was at first. I’m thankful 330 has the patience to put up with our type….

“Must have been an interesting childhood. But now that we’ve gotten that established, why don’t you tell us why you met us here.”

“Oh, right. I’m Lucy Parsons. I… think I might be able to help you. Tell you what I know.”

“Aren’t you worried about your boss finding out?” I asked.

“What, Mr. Larsen? He probably knows I’m talking to you. He’ll give me a lecture that I’m too trusting when he sees me tomorrow, but that’s all.”

We walked down the sidewalk as Lucy talked to us. Officially, there weren’t any paranormal branches of the CIA in Chicago; politics and departmental conflicts had left the city as FBI territory. However….
“Something’s changing. A lot of the people we used to work with are getting transferred away without replacements. There’s less than a dozen of us to cover the whole state right now. And the funding we’re supposed to be getting from Washington keeps getting ‘misplaced.’ On top of that, we keep hearing news about possible Fear activity.”

“What sort of activity?” 330 asked.

“There was a big Slender Man attack earlier in the month. Most of it’s been much quieter, though. Disappearances, or people acting strangely. The private detective cover’s good for keeping an ear to that kind of news. Mr. Larsen keeps sending reports to Washington saying that something’s going on here, but the response is always to carry on as normal.”

“And what’re your thoughts on this?”

“I think… I don’t want to say this, but I think someone inside Washington is interfering. And a while ago, we found the body of a CIA agent in the city, killed by the Rake.” Oh yeah, that. “Before his people came in and took the body back from us, we found a key to a safehouse on it. One inside the city. Which means that they’re starting to unofficially move back in, now that we’re too understaffed to stop them.”

Some gears had been turning in my head for a while. “Thos disappearances… the ones you think are caused by the Fears. Might not just be a coincidence.” I said. Lucy seemed surprise; possibly because she had completely forgotten I was there. It can get hard to compete with 330’s presence. “Lupine’s used monsters to his advantage before. There were those shadow things in the bunker… and they intentionally sent someone the Rake was stalking after us. The disappearances might have a stronger connection than it seems….” Looked to 330, half expecting her to tell me that was a stupid idea. Instead, she nodded.

“It’ll be something to look into. Thanks for the advice, Lucy. We’ll keep in touch.”

So now we kind have a plan. Ish. We know something’s happening in the city. How we’re going to investigate it… I’ll leave that to 330. Though my attempts to ask her questions regarding the investigation haven’t come up with much, making me worry that her whole plan might just consist of us sitting around and waiting for something exciting to happen.

Which, given the tendency for spontaneous adventure when around her, might not be that bad a plan.

-Lisa