Oasis

The lake wasn’t a mirage. A real oasis, amongst what had seemed an endless world of sand.

After suffering from thirst for so long, I didn’t exactly have much self-control when I saw it. I practically threw myself at the water, trying to grab as much as I could with each handful. Felt like I could drink the whole lake, and I’d still be thirsty.

But as I swallowed more water, I started noticing a metallic taste in it. Looked down at my hands in the water, and saw blood coming off them. Pulled them out, as blood continued ripping off them. There was no open wound anywhere on them, but the blood kept flowing from between my fingers. In a panic, I threw them back into the water, trying to get it off. It was a wasted effort; no matter how much I washed off, there was still more. The red spread through the lake, until the clear water had turned crimson.

At last, with the lake completely changed, the blood stopped. I wanted to recoil from the pool of blood that had replaced the oasis, but felt unable to pull my eyes away. The blood beneath my face began to whirl, and the color pulled away, creating an empty circle. The water in the circle wasn’t clear like before, but perfectly reflective, like a mirror. It was weird, seeing my face like that. Haven’t had the chance to look at it in a while. Almost didn’t recognize myself. Looked halfway like a corpse. Or maybe a skeleton held together by skin, blood, and dirt.

The water shifted again, and a new face was looking at me. For a split second, I thought it was Grendel. But no, this was a woman. I stared at it, trying to understand why it seemed so familiar. The realization struck as something of a surprise: it was me. Or, me if I was cleaned up and not starving to death. All my scars were gone on her, and she still had my suit and trench coat, but they were both completely black, with the only splash of color coming from a green tie. Her smile was filled with shark like teeth, and her two burning red eyes seemed to pierce through me. I moved my hand to where my right eye would be, and the reflection followed, but I still only felt my eye patch, and the empty socket beneath.

The reflection began to move on its own, lunging toward me. Before I could respond, its arms broke from beneath the water and grabbed around my waist, quickly pulling me under. I panicked, thinking I was going to drown, but when I fell through the lake, I wasn’t underwater. I was in a black void, without any sign of anything else around me.

Looked around for something in the emptiness, and finally a light appeared by me. Images flashed in it, showing me my life in reverse. All the things I’ve done. The mistakes I’ve made. The people I’ve killed. Every horrible decision. But when it got to the point where I became I-330, the images began to diverge from what I remember. The perspective was wrong; it wasn’t of me falling into the Quiet, but of me already inside, watching Lisa falling. Then the images went further back, into events I didn’t remember at all. I stood amongst a field of stars, and the Slender Man stood opposed to me. With a mere though, I pulled a star to me. A massive ball of fire, and I balanced it easily in the palm of my hand. With a wave, I threw the star at the Slender Man.

The images flashed further back, and I saw my worshippers flocking to the massive temples they had erected in my honor. Their numbers were uncountable, across millions of planets through the abyss of times. Humanity was barely a speck amongst them; a single species on a single planet that existed for only a heartbeat. It amused me to see all the tribute gathered for me. They believed they could avoid my wrath with such gifts. But it was my boredom, not my anger, that they should have feared. They were like flies to me, and they existed so I could pull their wings off. I raised a species of dumb animals to intelligence, then stole their sentience away at the height of their empire. Another race I granted immensely powerful weapons, then laughed as they destroyed themselves. All of reality was my toy. All existed for my amusement.

Further back. There were no starts of planets here. Nothing but the unmolded chaos of Azathoth’s dreams. I could feel the presence of Yog-Sothoth and Sub-Nigurtath, but I didn’t care about them. They were just mindless monsters. No entertainment to be gained from them. And then, the images stopped. I was back in the blackness beneath the lake. But now, someone else was there with me. A tall, proud looking man with dark skin, black eyes, and a golden crown. Recognized him as the Pharaoh I’d seen in R’lyeh.

His voice was softer this time, but it still had that sense of earth shaking authority behind every word. “I suppose it would be too much to expect you would experience a revelation from what you saw.”

“…Alright what the fuck is going on here. Didn’t I kill you or something already?”

“From a certain perspective, yes. Although a better phrase would be that you inherited me.”

Tried to remember back to what had happened. Hadn’t been in my best state of mind when I fought Grendel on R’lyeh. What with the sword through my stomach. “You’re… Nyarlathotep?”

“No.” I blinked, and his appearance changed into the same as the reflection I’d seen in the lake. It spoke again, now with my voice. “You are Nyarlathotep. You really need to stop treating me as a separate entity from yourself.”

“What? I’m not… I know I’m, well, kinda like the spawn of Nyarlathotep or something like that. I’ve had enough Fears telling it to me for it to be drilled into my head.”

“Really? Because you were very quick to accuse me of being Nyarlathotep.”

“Well, you’re, like, I don’t know, the mental incarnation of him or something? The source of those whispers I’ve been hearing or something?”

“No.” I blinked again, and she was gone. But I could still hear her voice. “There is no ‘incarnation’ of Nyarlathotep in your head. Nyarlathotep does not have some kind of separate presence in your mind. You never heard any whispers. There has only ever been one voice in your head. Yours.”

Looked around, trying to find some source of that voice. I wanted it to be coming from outside. Wanted it to be from anywhere but my own head. It wasn’t.

“You’ve gone to such amazing lengths to deny your identity, and treat everything relating to Nyarlathotep as though it was an outside force. Calling your own thoughts ‘voices’. Claiming you don’t know how you kept getting greater control over your abilities. Treating recalling memories as information being put in your head. You are so determined to portray yourself as a human who just happens to have weird things happen to her, in spite of the fact that you aren’t human at all. You never have been.”

“No, I’m… I….” Kept thinking back to the images I’d seen, of the god who toyed with the universe. Who would lead billions to their death just for a quick laugh. “I’m not that. I’m nothing like that.”

“Maybe not. But you were. And you will be again, if you want the power to defeat the Slender Man.”

“No! Stop… why are you trying so hard to convince me?”

“I’m not.” Blinked again, and a mirror was in front of me. This time, the reflection wasn’t changed; it looked exactly like me. “I am you. You’re already partially convinced. You just need to stop this pointless internal conflict, and you can finally start getting some real progress done.”

This conversation was rapidly approaching my tolerance level for smug people telling me what to do. So I smashed the mirror. The moment it shattered, the void was gone, and I was underwater. Took a few moments to get myself oriented, until I saw a light above me. Swam towards it, until I came out in the middle of the oasis.

There’d been some changes since I fell into the lake. My suit and coat are back, but they’re black, like the reflection’s had been. Don’t feel hungry or thirsty anymore, and I look much healthier. Still have all those scars.

And much to my surprise, in the time I was gone, the Slender Man’s tree had grown on the horizon. Knew I would need to run again. But not the panicked flight I’d done previously. New knowledge, or memories, or whatever they were, were bubbling to the surface of my mind. I couldn’t fight against the Slender Man. But maybe I could slow it down.

The shadows of my left arm started to shift until chaotic shapes, until it only resembled an arm in that it was a limb attached to my body. They tore through the air in front of me, and the space shattered like glass, leaving a tear of nothingness. Cracks spread from that nothingness, causing more of the space to vanish, rapidly consuming the entire desert. As this universe fell apart, I could feel others like it close by. I grabbed onto one, and pulled myself into it.

Another wasteland. But this time, a wasteland of snow.

Let’s see what I can find here.

The Garden of Desolation

So. A desert. A really really big desert. After the freakiness of the last place, this is a little boring. You’ve seen one sand dune, you’ve seen them all.

The lack of any landmarks makes it difficult to be certain, but this place feels familiar. It reminds me of the desert I saw in my dream when I spoke with the Mother of Snakes. But now that the Mother’s dead, it would be hard to confirm if they’re the same place.

Not really sure what to do here. I suppose I could start walking, but I wouldn’t know where I’m walking to. Beats standing here and doing nothing, though.

***

I think it’s been three hours since I last wrote. Yeah, I’m gonna go with three hours.

Still no sign of anything. Walking in this place is horrible. The heat never stops beating down on me; I’ve discarded my trench coat and suit jacket, but that hasn’t helped even slightly. There’s no shade, and judging by the lack of a sun, I doubt there’ll be any night. Nothing but a lot of sand and that stupid heat.

***

I’m thirsty. I’m genuinely thirsty. I have felt this since… well, since I was… human. I’d almost forgotten what the sensation was like. But something but something about this place makes my throat feel parched, and has me craving for a drink. No chance of finding a water fountain here, though.

***

Wasn’t that long ago I thought that I wanted to get the chance to pause and reflect on what I’m doing. Now I’ve got the chance, and I wish I had something else to do instead.

What the hell was I thinking? How did we think I could beat the Slender Man? Everything I’ve done, I’ve fucked up. The only things I ever seem to succeed at is controlling the damage of my mistakes, and even that I screw up.

Maybe it’s for the best that I’m lost here. I can’t ruin anything here.

***

Now I’m hungry. That’s a feeling I definitely didn’t miss. Why the hell is this happening? What kind of place is this?

***

I’m going to fucking murder whichever Fear this desert belongs to. If it’s the Mother of Snakes I will fucking find a way to bring her back from the dead so I can stab her in the god damn face over and over until her head is nothing but a bloody mess!

Who do these Fears think I am? They think they can toy with me? I. Will. Kill them. Every last one.

***

Thought I saw Lisa in the distance. Considering I’m not an idiot, I realized it was just a mirage caused by the heat and this feeling of dehydration, and that I shouldn’t waste my time with it.

Of course, I had to be safe, so I checked anyway.

I was right. It was a mirage.

***

I fucking hate sand.

***

Yeah 330, let’s just go on a magical journey to rip the fabric of the multiverse apart! I can’t see how that could possibly backfire and end up in us being trapped forever inside a magical desert world!

I was better off back when I just focused on fighting Grendel.

Or maybe not, because his whole plan relied on me ripping apart the multiverse. So really the best course of action I could have taken would have been to stay in bed. Forever.

***

Wasn’t the Slender Man hunting me or something? I wish he’d show up. Then he could just kill me.

Or maybe I’d kill him. I wonder if he bleeds?
God I’m thirsty.

***

Okay. We can get through this, 330. We just need to… need to figure out how to extract moisture from the air. Yeah. Genius idea, 330. That’s totally something that is doable. Can’t be too hard.

Fucking hell I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.

***

Looks like a lake up ahead. Probably another mirage. Going to go check it out, because why the hell not.